i need a break! oh and throw in a massage as well. =(
hello hello. time for a blog update. i've been thru the worst week of the semester and have SURVIVED. =D
well, ok it's not exactly the worst week. i've been thru worse. but u can't blame me, i haven't been thru smth like this in ages. no doubt i will come out of it feeling the worst in 2 yrs. lol. and i have SURVIVED. hahahahaha.
and i have good news and bad news. all news are regards to assignment grades. of all my assesments i have only 1 borderline fail. which is so NOT good. i really hate that particular module. so frigging hard and the thing is it isn't even useful!!! grrrr.... >=( why in the world is it compulsory for us IT students when it's for software engineering, i will never know why. ~!@#$%^&*()__+ and that's for the bad news. as for the good news, my maths test came back and i scored a nice 80% for it which is a HD. =D and for my other mid-term assessment, i got 73% which is a D. yayness!
and i wanna complain!!!!!! my school coordinator is so blur! i didn't need to take math1003 and it was so bloody difficult and made me so damn miserable. =(( and it is said to be a lead up to math1005 (which i'm taking this sem) to 'start thinking mathematically' but it has no relevance at all to either module. so sianz..... totally screwed up my acad years here. the next yr i'm soooooo gonna die cuz i'm taking all the 3000 series (which essentially are the harder modules). if i had taken one or two 3000 series modules, at least i wouldn't be so shag next year. sigh... what to do, can only 硬着头皮 and see what i can do to ease my mods for the next year.
and then there's the problem of accomodation. i applied for the new wing at my hall, but it seems like my chances to actually get a place is pretty slim. but i still think it's worth a shot. -cross fingers- otherwise, i'll just go back to the catered wing. which i really dun wan, cuz i want a more independent living style. sigh... really hope i can get a place at the new wing.
was talking to one of my frens the other day and he really struck a chord. he was saying that here, he doesn't have like a clique or that he's not close to his frens, alot of them are just friends. and i realised that it seems that everyone is like at uni. it's hard to spend time together and bond and build the trust and all that. i'm so glad i really have my close frens from KSS and SP. but then i'm afraid that becuz i'm here and i can't spend that much time with them and they're also seldom online or that i'm busy with my school work here and i seldom go online, the frenship will fade. things change so fast all the time, and we all get caught up with our own things, how can we keep the frenship strong?
If anyone asks, I'll tell them we both just moved on When people all stare I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk Whenever I see you, I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue Pretend I'm okay with it all Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? Cry
If anyone asks, I'll tell them we just grew apart Yeah what do I care If they believe me or not Whenever I feel Your memory is breaking my heart I'll pretend I'm okay with it all Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? Cry
I'm talking in circles I'm lying, they know it Why won't this just all go away
Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? Cry Cry
chel` blogged at 2:07 AM
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Sunday, August 30, 2009
a long long long day
last monday i feel like dying. wait a minute, that's how i feel everyday now. damn it. =( been feeling the pressure cuz all the deadlines are coming up and all my frens seem to be brilliant. and me? well, i feel like i'm good at NOTHING. And I used to be the one who talks a lot, who had a semblance of an idea of what to do. Now, i'm just shooting about in the dark. Seriously, what happened to me?
i just handed up an assignment the past friday and though it wasn't my best work, i'm very proud of it. I made a screensaver where stars go around in circles and it kinda spirals sideways and it spreads out to fill the screen. =D but i'm totally burned out. and this coming isn't gonna get any better. =(( i have 3 assignments to hand in this coming friday, another next monday, and a test this thurs. ARGH. i need rest!!
watched the ugly truth last tues. quite funny. it's kinda like he's not that into you but this is quirkier, funnier and also more obscene. lol. but we all had a good laugh.
I miss my babes back home. I haven't been able to talk to them at all. And even then, would we find that we have nothing to say to each other? I feel everyone's moving forward while I feel as though I'm going nowhere... Am I going anywhere in life? I dun wanna make a mountain out of a mole hill, or over dramatise my life when other ppl's problems are bigger than mine. I really dun like myself right now. sigh...
Katy Perry - Thinking of You Comparisons are easily done Once u tasted perfection Like an apple hanging from a tree I picked the ripest one and I still got the seed
You said move on where do I go? I guess second best is all I will ever know
Cuz when I'm with him i am thinking of u Thinking of u What would u do if u were the one who was spending the night Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
You're like an indian summer in the middle of winter Like a hard candy with a surprise centre How do I get better when I've had the best You said there's tons of fish in the water So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips I taste your mouth He pulled me in I was disgusted with myself
Cuz when I'm with him I am thinking of you Thinking of you What would you do If you were the one who was spending the night Oh I wish I was looking into
You're the best and yes I do regret How could I let myself let you go Now the lesson's learned I touched it I got burned Oh, I think you should know
Cuz when I'm with him I am thinking of you Thinking of you What would you do If you were the one who was spending the night Oh I wish I was looking into your eyes Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through And bust in the door and take me away Oh no more mistakes Cuz in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay...
almost everyone i know is attached. then comes the time when they will get married which will be another 5,6 yrs down the road? which isn't far away. when i was 15, i was telling grace 'can u imagine, we're going to be 20 in 5 yrs?' and then 'bam', we're 20 now. and i'm turning 21 this yr. i feel like everything's so uncertain... sigh... why why why??
chel` blogged at 2:41 PM
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Saturday, August 15, 2009
wow, i can really waste time very effectively.
i just realised, i've been in the library since 115, and i've not done anything constructive. damn it. i can start doing my tute for math1005 and comp2600. i can start doing my assignment for comp3410. i can start looking at my practs for comp2720 and comp 3410. but i'm not. i'm on facebook. i'm on restaurant city. i'm reading. i'm blogging. i'm knitting. i'm daydreaming. and doing everything else but work. and if i'm back at the hall i'm doing the same exact thing. except add to that list, i'll be watching movies as well. damn it damn it damn it!!
i made a promise to myself, to not get involved in relationships and i intend to go through with this promise. relationships are so complicating. and i dun really need that complicatiion at this point of time. but then on the other hand, i so desperately want someone to love me. someone i can really love back truly. i dun want those where u think u might like someone and then get together and see if it works out. i've tried that a couple of times and it failed causing one or another to hurt like hell. why put ourselves thru this? when u know it will never work out. it's not a matter of self-fulfilling thing. i tried, i really did. but how did it work out? nada. -sigh- i'll stop now. it's driving me crazy.
i realised that in the 6 yrs we've known each other, despite being such close frens, we've never taken a picture together. no picture of u to paste on my wall? how many times have i picked up the phone about to dial ur number or start a msg just to say hi cuz i missed talking to u? i miss u a lot dear friend. we havent talked a good long while ever since u got a girlfriend. how will things work out when we get older and you get married? how will it go when we go about our seperate lives? will our frenship fade away? i've lost someone close to me before, i dun want it to happen again.
alright. shall try to do some work before i get carried away again. lol.
ciaos!
chel` blogged at 2:43 PM
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Friday, August 14, 2009
I love my samsung omnia. =D
let me try this out. i'm actually in class using my phone to blog. how cool is that man. lol! i love my phone. and i shall blog again soon! ^_^
chel` blogged at 1:25 PM
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Monday, August 10, 2009
some excerpts
1. "i'm with him becuz he cares for me and this baby and i love him." "but does he love you for you or is it only going to be just becuz of the baby?" -long pause- "that is a question i've never dared to ask." "will you be asking it anytime soon?" "i don't want to think about it. at least not till the baby is born. or when i can support my baby at least." "are you afraid?" "everyday of my life..."
2. what if i told you i love you? what would you do?
would you turn away from me? never talk to me again?
or would you embrace me and say 'i'm sorry...'
i wonder why i stopped writing. is it becuz i ran out of ideas? is it becuz i never make time for it? or simply becuz, i stopped wanting to feel the emotions i'm writing about? i think tiredness is affecting everything. my thoughts, my sight, my hearing and my emotions. making me think too much, stress too much over nothing and making me emo. damn it. i hate this.
alright, pushing it away.
been busy lately. really shld stop playing so much. time to unplug the hard disk! and get to finish pasting the pictures up on the wall. lol. i sincerely hate comp2600 and seriously thinking of burning the textbook i have yet to buy at the end of the semester after taking the exam. ugh~ the rest are still quite ok and i'm doing smth that i quite like alot which incorporates art and programming. which is the same feeling as when i'm doing flash. hahaha. miss doing that with na during work, or even in school for FYP or for VDG 2.
i haven talked to any of my babes since i came back to canberra. na's really busy, xuan and ku's either going to start school soon or most prolly started alr, nee also very busy with school. i miss having my babes arnd to just call up to chat or smth. or even to arrange to go out. even though some times very pek cek to arrange timing, coming out and chatting away really makes it worthwhile. loved the steamboat. and we'd always have the problem of leftover food. ALWAYS. lol.
wah, cannot, this is making it worse. i better end it. will definitely blog again when i'm feeling bright and cheery! or else, i'm just going to leave the impression that i'm not happy here. i'm content, but sure, things could be better. lol. oh well.
alright to end it off, i'm leaving a formula and a quote behind. lack of sleep + homesickness + sad songs on the ipod = really really emo and bleak
Never break four things in life TRUST PROMISE RELATION HEART because when they break, there's no noise but there's a lot of hurt
ciaos!
i have to get this off my chest. i'm having a crush and it's killing me. ugh. this is so not the time and not the person. what can i do to keep my feelings in check??
chel` blogged at 11:55 PM
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Sunday, July 19, 2009
homesick
i have given up on trying to finish up my entries on my previous blog. so this will be a fresh start.
i cant believe that it's the 2nd week of school already. i was feeling so terribly homesick when i first got back here. and now that school is in full swing, the laziness and procrastination is coming back in full swing too. hahahaha. good points are that i have same classes with several frens, soooo... that means i can ask them for help! wootz! hahahaha. i'm having classes in 13 mins time, i shall have to scoot soon. hahaha.
going to have an international ball here this coming sat, so i got my dad to send me my dress that i wore to my sister's wedding. hahahaha. this is the 2nd time i'm going to wear it. seriously, all the evening gowns are pretty useless to us mundane girls who dun attend dinner parties all the time. but we simply adore the beautiful silks and satins and chiffons. hahahaha. my love for them is as powerful as my love for heels that are 2 and 1/2 inch and below. cuz anything else higher is simply gonna make me keel over and die. =X hahahahahaha.
been posting up loads of old photos on fb as well. i believe that a person shld embrace his/her past cuz it's what makes us what we are today. lolz. so cliche. alrighty. have to scoot. shall blog later.